Dear Person (or Persons) who has been using my phone in Philly,
I will spank you.
I will find you and take you over my knee and spank you.
I hope I was able to help you with your phoning needs this month.
Because of you I had to make so many bargains with the devil that is my mobile phone carrier. I was so angry I told the guy helping me that he was a pawn of the corporation he was working for because he insisted on changing my plan to cover all the charges.
I know it may be hard to believe, but my musical career does not provide me with infinite wells of cash with which to pay your tab.
I would have reported my phone as stolen sooner but I've been on tour and I was under the foolish impression that it was being mailed to me by friends of a friend.
For every person who acts selfishly, I know that I will meet two more who will overwhelm me with their generosity.
Lori says most of these are landlines, and they're really just the friends of the phone stealer, so is it worth it anyways?Two wrongs and all that..
Take that, phone stealers.